Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
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