Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
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