What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Go to BabaMail
