Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.