What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
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