Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
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