There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!