Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
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