What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
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