A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
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