I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Do you find bone puns humerus?
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
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