There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.