I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.