Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas