What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
I love you from my head tomato
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.