What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.