What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!