What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.