Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What do you call water that is good for you?
Well water.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
Where do water droplets go to settle arguments?
The Supreme Quart.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
If your canoe turns upside down in the water, you can wear it on your head.
Because it’s capsized.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
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