When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
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