What would you call a power failure? A current event.
My wife said to me that the spark between us had gone. So, I tasered her, and I’ll ask her again when she wakes up.”
A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
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