I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
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