How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
Biology - It grows on you.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
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