The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
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