What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
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