Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
Do you find bone puns humerus?
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
To get to the other tide.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Go to BabaMail
