Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
That boy narrated his-story really well.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Air resistance is a real drag.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
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