It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
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