How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
I like looking at a chart of all the chemical elements... periodically.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
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