Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
Roman soldiers are trained.
But Vikings are Bjorn.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
Two red blood cells met and fell in love, but alas, it was all in vein.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
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