During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
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