Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
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