What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
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