Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
To get to the other tide.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Go to BabaMail
