What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive…
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
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