I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Where do geologists like to relax? In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? They know really dirty jokes.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
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