I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Ah! The element of surprise.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
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