What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
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