What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
One molar solution.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
To get to the other tide.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
The sun is just a big space heater.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
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