When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Go to BabaMail
