History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What do you call someone who specialises in Egypt?
A Cairopractor.
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