Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
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