What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
KFC have hired geneticists to edit chicken DNA
Apparently they want something CRISPR.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
A farmer counted 297 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 300.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.