Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a slice of bread you put in the toaster?
A tanning bread.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.