When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
My friend called and said he was sick of his fireplace exhaust vent...
Sounds like another case of the flue.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Air resistance is a real drag.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
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