Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
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