Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Air resistance is a real drag.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What is a vector’s favorite band? One Direction!
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
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