Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What do you call a bad electrician? A shock absorber!
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
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