I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
What do you call a regular potato broadcasting sports?
A common tater.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.” I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
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