What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
The sun is just a big space heater.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
How do you know the moon is going broke?
It's down to its last quarter.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant.
Its called Eel-on Musk.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
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