How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why did the man eat the light bulb? He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.”
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.