The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
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