How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
What is better than a physics joke?
A meta physics joke.
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Go to BabaMail
