Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What is the study of real estate? Homology
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
To get to the other tide.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
What do you call a sick Egyptian?
Sir Cough-a-gus
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s two gross.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
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