Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Asked my boy to boil the kettle.
He said, "wouldn't it be better to boil some water?"
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend...
...and chimney installations are through the roof!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
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