Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
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