What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
Why was the thermometer smarter than the graduated cylinder?
He had more degrees.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
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