Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
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