At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Why did the hipster chemist get burnt?
Because he touched the beaker before it was cool.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Where do mathematicians like to party?
In bar graphs.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
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