How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
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