Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
More places are charging fees to iron my clothes after they launder them...
I guess the free press is under siege!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
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