What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
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