How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
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