What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
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