Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Go to BabaMail
