There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
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