Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Never argue with Pi, it's irrational.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
I love Physics, but I'm terrible at Math.
I hope in doesn't Matter.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
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