Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
To get to the other tide.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
We had a lively debate in physics.
It was a conversation of energy.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
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