Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What happens when you hire an odd-job guy to do 8 jobs?
They only do 1, 3, 5 and 7.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What did the generous mole say when people crashed his party?
The mole the merrier
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
Who brings colorful eggs to chemist's kids every spring?
The Ether Bunny.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Go to BabaMail
