My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
Biology - It grows on you.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
Air resistance is a real drag.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
The repair man said he thought he'd fixed the propane stoves, but he couldn't be quite sure.
After all, it involved a lot of gaswork.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
To get to the other tide.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
Go to BabaMail
