Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
I was going to become a biologist. But all the endless coursework on hearts and lungs and kidneys and so on just made it seem like one long organ recital.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
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