Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Go to BabaMail
