What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
Why couldn't the alpha helix say the alphabet?
Because it broke up every time it got to L-amino P.
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How do you make seven an even number?
Just remove the “s.”
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
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