Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Why are geologists good at stand up comedy?
They know really “dirty” jokes.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
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