In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
What to give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday?
Shorts.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Go to BabaMail
