I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A Tsunami.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
My sister once took a knight as a dance partner to her high-school party because it was a prom knight.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
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