What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
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