My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
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