How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Did you hear about the geologist who went to jail?
He was charged with basalt and battery.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
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