The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up together, would they be alloys?
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history
Is that Genealogy or Geology?
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
hy don’t calculus major throw house parties?
Because they know firsthand that it’s a bad idea to drive and derive.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Biology - It grows on you.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
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