Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Why do quitters do all the laundry?
They always throw in the towel!
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
Go to BabaMail
