My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
When Miss Acid told her husband, Mr Alkali, she was pregnant...
He exploded with anger.
It wasn't the reaction she was hoping for.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
To get to the other tide.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
My dad was complaining he’d lost a sock after doing his laundry.
I said, "that's a sockrifice I had to make".
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
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