Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
How did the geology student drown?
His grades were below C-level.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why did the electricity documentary get such mixed reviews?
People weren’t sure how to feel after it’s shocking ending.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What do you call a worm that chews up power cords? An electro-maggot.”
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
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