What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Why do math teachers love parks so much?
Because of all the natural logs.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I Lava You!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
I passed my degree in sound engineering. I got 1-2-1-2!
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Two sodium atoms are walking down the street. Suddenly one says “Oh, my God, I’ve lost an electron!” The other says “Lost an electron! Are you sure?” and the first replies “Yes, I’m positive!”
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Go to BabaMail
