Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
They're cheaper than day rates.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
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