Why couldn't the Bard seduce the Gelatinous Cube?
Because cubes are platonic solids.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
I was going to start ironing, but I decided it was too depressing.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
What did the geologist say when his doctor said he needed a colon exam?
No fracking way!
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
A physics student ask his teacher: "Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?"
The teacher answers: "Let me see if I can pull some strings for you."
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
They Put-in.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
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