I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point!
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Franz Joseph constantly sour about everything because he was always Haydn.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Why is a robot engineer never lonely? Because he’s always making new friends.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
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