It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
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