I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
My son asked me how I never seemed to lose the TV remote when he was growing up.
I told him I'd always put it in a location away from all the clutter...
A remote location.
The Second World War was very slow because they were Stalin.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
What did they call mummy makers in ancient Egypt? Sarcophaguy.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How would you describe a stinky chemist?
Mole-odorous
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
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