Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
In Ancient Rome, there were 4 types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.
However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
Who is a geologist’s favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Working on lab science animals is a real rat race.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?
"HeHe."
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
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