A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
How rich is Avogadro?
He's a multi-mole-ionaire.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What did the energy company’s CEO credit her success to?
A series of strategic power moves.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
TV repair during lockdown has been pretty easy.
It’s mostly remote work.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
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