What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
A good air conditioner is worth its weight in cold.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Funny chemistry puns always get a good reaction.
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? "Au revoir"
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
What do doctors do to injured elements? They helium.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
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