What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
Did you hear about the geologist who got divorced?
He was taking his wife for granite, so she left him.
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Hey did you hear that ESPN is broadcasting this year's Origami competition?
I heard it's pay per view...
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
Why was the math lecture so long?
The professor kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch.
I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
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