A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What type of flowers does everybody have? two-lips.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
Did you hear about the urologist who became an aerospace engineer?
He developed an incontinental ballistic missile.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Speed and Velocity are brothers.
Velocity has a family, is rich and teaches classes around the world.
Speed dropped out and still lives with his parents.
They think Speed lacks Direction.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
An atom loses an electron...
It says, "man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What's the Difference Between Mechanical & Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was three feet deep on average.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool? His lightsaber”
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Go to BabaMail
