You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
"I'M BREADY TO DIE"
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
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