Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb? He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.”
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
My Physics teacher said I have no potential.
Joke's on her, I just bought a ladder.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
What do you do with a sick chemist? You try to helium, and then you try to curium, but if all else fails, you gotta barium.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What did the lamp say to the flickering candle?
"Do you want to go out sometime soon?"
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards? They like to avoid the flush.
How did the pizza escape the oven?
Through the dough!
What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
CSI.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
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