A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
Bacteria is the only culture some people have.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
Why do Pharaohs never tell dad jokes? Because they are all mummies.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
I got a C in Physics and my parents grounded me.
They say I don't understand the gravity of the situation.
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
How do you know your dehydrated? You can hear your red blood cells crenating.
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