I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5th to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses 5th to the right.
The statistician yells "We got 'em!"
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
What do you call a clock on the moon?
A lunartick.
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn't put it down.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What do you get if you put kisses in a blender?
A Smoochie.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
Did you check the news? There was a Radon the chemical store.
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz? He wasn’t too bright.”
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
To get to the other tide.
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