Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What is the difference between archeology and grave robbing?
About 200 years
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Physics student asks to go to bathroom.
Professor asks "Liquid, Solid or Gas?"
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why didn’t Bob drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?
It was too cubed.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Physics is like incest.
It’s all relative.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
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