What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
The sun is just a big space heater.
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What is the difference between lightning and electricity. For electricity, you need to pay, but
lightning kills for free.”
Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?
They already 8!
I'll do algebra, I'll do trigonometry, I'll even do statistics...
But graphing is where I draw the line!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
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