What do you call a glass robot that is good at physics?
A new-clear physicist.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
What do you call a number that can’t keep still?
A roamin’ numeral.
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Assemble a Futon?
Three…and a psychologist!
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why did the hipster throw away his calculus book?
He found it too derivative.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Watson: Holmes, What kind of rock is this?
Holmes: Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
My friend had put some beans in the coffee grinder
After a few seconds I told him to stop. That's fine.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
What do you call an angle that is adorable?
Acute angle.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
Flu-Fighters.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Why did the military use acid?
To neutralize the enemy base.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
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