Even the most intelligent people can’t survive a day without electricity, like Stephen Hawking.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why did the lights go out? Because they liked each other!”
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What is an outlet’s favorite song?
I’ve Got The Power.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
His parents wouldn’t Cosine.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What did the geologist say when his doctor asked him if he was ready for his colonic? No FRACKING way!
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
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