Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
My TV hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
It’s a real game changer
I was at the Doctor's office
The Pessimist said 'The door is half closed'
The Optimist said 'The door is half open'
The Doctor said 'Confirmed case of Bipolar'
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry...
I became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
The frequency of bad physics puns on this category...
It hertz.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
Did you hear about the mathematician whose afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How come old math teachers never die?
They tend to just lose some of their functions.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One—she just gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that’s already been solved.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
Go to BabaMail
