What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
How do geologists like to relax? In rocking chairs, of course!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
What's the Difference Between a Chemist and a Chemical Engineer?
Oh, about $10 K a year.
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did the lamps get arrested?
They were in some shady business
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
When hydrogen got arrested they told him he had one phone call.
He replied: "Call who? I don't have a family!"
Where do electricians get their supplies? The Ohm Depot.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
My fridge stopped working...
Its not cool.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
I bought a new heater for my wife.
She didn't like it first, but now I think she's warmed up to it.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
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