What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
Why are geologists no fun at parties?
They like to be stone-cold sober.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes.
We now call him Dr. Awkward.
To get to the other tide.
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
How do you make a hormone? You don't pay her.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room. What do you think will happen? That's a mist-ery.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
"Is your dishwasher running?"
"Seeing as it doesn't have feet, it does not"
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
Why does Avogadro like Cindy Crawford?
She's his favorite super-mole-dle (and she has a mole).
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Go to BabaMail
