Two antennas got married – the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
When I don't have time to iron a shirt, I just steel one.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
I've been trying to think of an electrical pun but now my head Hertz.
Some people think nuclear physics is interesting.
Well, in my opinion it's really Bohring.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
Professor: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "It's where you get steel wool!"
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
Go to BabaMail
