What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here."
Helium doesn't react.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
To get to the same side.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
The cost of the space program is astronomical.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
Did you know that geologists are athletic? Yeah, I read it in Quartz illustrated.
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you make the vacuum cleaner.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?
Climax.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Always knock on the fridge before opening.
Just in case there is a salad dressing
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
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