What kind of plant generates the most energy? A power plant.”
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
My wife asked me why I was ironing my 4 leaf clover.
I told her I was pressing my luck
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
An electrolyte and a solvent are talking in jail.
Solvent: What are you in for?
Electrolyte: A salt charge.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Why was the scuba diver failing Biology? Because he was below "C" level.
Got into my car and realized my wife had shut off all the A/C vents.
Definitely not cool.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
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