Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”
He said, “Sorry. There is no time.”
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
What do you call someone that's always stealing your heat?
A brrrglar!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said "wow, that's cool!"
And he replied, "Sorry ma'am,it can only warm"
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
What is the reproductive area in South America? Spermatagonia.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations.
(Looking at you Newton).
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