My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
I keep making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
A dangerous surge of electricity walks into a bar. The barman says, why the long phase?”
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
I tried to taste the hot light bulb
But I got my tungstenned.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
Why are geologists so good in school?
They take nothing for granite.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
They never get them.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
What do you call a light bulb at midnight?
A Night Light.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
What do you call a catholic toaster strudel?
A pope tart.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, does that make YOU a vacuum cleaner?
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist? A chemist will drink anything that is distilled. A geologist will drink anything that is fermented.
Go to BabaMail
