Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
I replaced all the air vents in my house with smaller ones.
It was a reduction.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
What is the study of real estate? Homology
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why did the acid go to the gym?
It wanted to become a buffer solution.
Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof
I was shocked.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use CFLs!
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
What did the Endoplasmic Reticulum say to the Golgi. I like your body, and the Golgi said it's complex.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Stick him in an oven until his Bill Withers
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?
Hexagon.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
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