Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What is a light bulb’s favorite kind of news?
Current events.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
I really have to force myself to get through this book on friction.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
I don't think I need a spine.
It's holding me back.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
That boy narrated his-story really well.
Why didn’t sin and tan go to the party?
Just cos.
My dad wanted to teach me to fix the car but all I did was hold the flashlight.
I guess I'll never hold a candle to him.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Using vaccines is...
Antibody-building.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I hope I get Doritos.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Two kittens on a sloped roof.
Which one slides off first?
The one with the lowest mew.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper?
She’s definitely plotting something.
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
Electric razors are the best thing since sliced beard.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Serotonin and Dopamine: Technically, the only things you enjoy.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.
After the first three, it was a D-light.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
A physics teacher is about to jump off a high bridge
When a friend stops him saying, "Don't do it, you have so much potential."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
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