My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
My parents always brought me up to believe the sky's the limit.
Which was a shame because I wanted to be an astronaut.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
My dad argued with a stove
The conversation really started to heat up
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
What happens when you keep reading geology jokes in your free time?
You know that you have really hit rock bottom.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Because you can use algo-rhythm.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What did the black pepper say to his wife after coming out of the grinder?
"Don't worry. I'm fine."
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
If you’re doing dangerous work on a platform that’s held together by screwed in bolts, then your life is hanging by a thread.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What is a jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
What element is derived from a Norse god? Thorium.
Why did the geologist take his girlfriend to the quarry? He wanted to get a little boulder. How did the geology student drown? His grades were below C-level
What do you do with a dead geologists?
Barium
What did Darth Vader tell the geologist?
May the quartz be with you!
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!
What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
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