If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
... Then Soviet.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Why don't they galvanize ships?
Because that would make them zinc.
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
The local band stand was struck by lightening yesterday while the band was playing.
Only the conductor was hit.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
Did you hear about the constipated engineer? He worked it out with a pencil. It was a natural log.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why did Rome Fall?
Because it slipped on some Greece.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Accidentally spilled frosting all over the freezer.
Going to leave it be though, since the freezer has an auto defrost feature.
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Why did the engineering students leave class early? They were getting a little ANSI.
What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
What is blood's message to the world? B POSITIVE.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
You know what's cool about chemistry?
Endothermic reactions.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
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