I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
Q: What is a tornado’s favorite Elton John song?
A: Candle in the Wind!
Please excuse my resting beach face.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
He was going to sleep in a bucket of ice.
But then he got cold feet.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
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