Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, oceans don't talk they just wave!
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
What did the flower say to the flower next to him? Move over bud!
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Beach, please.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
How would you scare a snowman?
Get a hairdryer!
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
What do baleen whales call a hook-up?
Netflix and krill.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
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