How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
Tis the sea-sun.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What does a mountain often do at its daily meal? It avalunch.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
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