How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Did you hear about the ocean and sea having a baby?
It was a buoy!
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What did one tidepool say to the other tidepool?
Show me your mussels!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
What do you call a grandpa flower?
Poppy.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
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