A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
Mother always knows best. But when winter comes around, Mother Nature snows best.
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
How do you keep the snow from giving you cold feet?
Don’t go around BRRfooted!
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
Tropic like it's hot.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What kind of alcohol do flowers drink?
Rosé.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
Do you know what would happen when you throw a Finnish sailor into the ocean?
Helsinki.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
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