I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why does the river never get lost?
She always finds the right pathwave.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
Seas the day.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky
This much is plane to sea
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
What did the ground say to the earthquake? You crack me up!
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
Do you want to hear a joke about a bolt of lightning?
Actually, maybe not. The end is rather shocking.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
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