I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white?
Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
Water you doing?
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
My dad used to say "the sky's the limit"
Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.
Don't get tide down.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
My dad's nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
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